just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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