I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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