Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
