After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
