none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
