I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
