Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
