OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
