the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
