Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
