We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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