The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
