Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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