totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
did i walk over a car last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
