Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
