no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
