I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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