I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
