I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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