P.S. I can't hear my feet
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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