I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
