I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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