Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
