Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
