just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
