i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
