I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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