i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were trust falling into bushes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
