She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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