you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
