i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
