I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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