I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
