It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
