I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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