it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
