if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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