it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
