i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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