so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
