She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
