he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The adults are the big ones right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
