Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
