I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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