I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
