I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
