Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
