i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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