a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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