Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
