My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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